What are we in control of?

While struggling with lies, as I used them to control peoples thoughts, feelings on how they looked at me, I realized that I needed to understand what I was truly in control of in my life and those around me. A wonderful friend put it very nicely and I have really dug into pretty deeply.

"I am only in control of what I say, do and think.... nothing else ".

There have been many times I have talked with some one that is struggling with relationships (friends, spouses, relatives, work) and I have brought this up to them and found out that it has helped them just as much as it has helped me. Here is an example of how it helped me personally.

Back in August of 2007 my wife filed for divorce. Was this a surprise to me? No it wasn't, as she and I have been separated since April of 2006 but I still held out hope for the marriage to be saved. I had prayed about it and I left it in Gods hands.

When I received the papers I was crushed emotionally and as I sat down prayed and then thought about it and I replayed that saying above. I asked myself the following questions?

Am I in control of her feelings towards me? nope
Can I control HOW she feels towards me? no
Can I control how she reacts towards me? no
Do I love her? Yes, can I make her love me? no

I just kept asking more questions to myself and the pain of the divorce suddenly got easier to deal with. My personal feelings still hurt, but I could tolerate them and because I knew that God was in control I needed to leave this in His hands.

I also came to the realization that God will not control my wifes thoughts. Does God HATE divorce? Yes He does! Will God forcibly move my wife back my side? No he wont, she needs to make that decision of her own free will. How could someone possibly love another if they are forced to go to them against their own will.

So I tried to love her and my daughters the best I could. I was not in control of how she felt towards me, but I did not have to stop how I felt towards her. When it came time to start talking about the divorce and child support and visitation, things actually went smoothly as when ever I read or heard something from her that was initially hurtful, I had to remind myself of what I could and could not control. This truly gave me peace (as much as could be expected) during these times and the fact that She and I were able to hammer it all out between us without a war developing was something that the Judge commended each of us for.

So when you get into a spot where division could arise, or trouble is rearing its ugly head, remind yourself of what it is that you are truly in control of and what your not. It will help greatly and also...Pray about the situation and leave it in His hands to take care of. You will save yourself alot of pain in the end.