Back in 1989, 1990 and 1991 I supported and paid for three abortions. At the time it seemed to be the right decision as the woman (all were with the same woman) I was seeing was very young (16 years old the first time) at the time and I was not in any financial position to help raise a family.
I felt that the only thing I could do at the time is be supportive of what ever decision she made and be a man about it and take care of her through this ordeal. Each time the abortion occurred I was with her at the clinic and we worked it out to be able to spend the night together so I could help her and keep an eye on her in case of any physical complications. We hid this from everybody in her family as it would be devastating for them to know that she was A) pregnant and B) had an abortion.
She and I broke up a few years later (1995) and went our separate ways. The abortions never really crossed my mind until after the break up happened. What started happening though is that if I was in a mall somewhere and saw a small child around I would start thinking about how old mine might have been and what they may have looked like by now. Would it have been a boy or girl? What color hair? What color eyes? what would their laugh had been like?
These thoughts happened more frequently as time went on and it began to effect everything in my life. I was becoming ridden with guilt, my self esteem was at an all time low. I would inexplicably cry at night when alone over this. That was until my oldest daughter was born in 2000.
See, I felt like I was not worthy to ever have children as I now felt like I had killed 3 and that God would punish me for the rest of my life. I need to note that in the late 90's and early 2000's I was NOT a Christian but I did believe that there was a God. I was an agnostic. I believed that there was a higher power that had control of everything, but I just did not know who he/she/it was at the time.
I now have two daughters of my own and I enjoy them every second I am with them. It was not until recently that I truly started taking steps to deal with the pain of the others as I know that this year I should be preparing for one to graduate and have two others in high school.
Now back to the question posed in the title.
Should a man or men have say about abortion?
I firmly believe that we should have a direct say on this. Oh, I can already hear the feminist crowd standing up and yelling about this, but this is my stance. Here are my reasons for this.
Objection 1: It's my body and therefore its MY choice to have this baby or not.
OK - it is your body that the baby resides in during development, this much is true. The simple fact is that this baby is only attached to your body, but it is already (at conception) it's own person. Here are some facts from secular medical books on the topic.
The Developing Human: Clinically Oriented Embryology, 6th ed.
Keith L. Moore, Ph.D. & T.V.N. Persaud, Md., (Philadelphia: W.B. Saunders Company, 1998), 2-18.
"[The Zygote] results from the union of an oocyte and a sperm. A zygote is the beginning of a new human being. Human development begins at fertilization, the process during which a male gamete or sperm ... unites with a female gamete or oocyte ... to form a single cell called a zygote. This highly specialized, totipotent cell marks the beginning of each of us as a unique individual."
Human Embryology, 3rd ed.
Bradley M. Patten, (New York: McGraw Hill, 1968), 43.
"It is the penetration of the ovum by a spermatozoan and resultant mingling of the nuclear material each brings to the union that constitues the culmination of the process of fertilization and marks the initiation of the life of a new individual."
I could post more but I want to move on. Click here if you care to read more.
Also, women and men who make the claim "that it is their body and its their choice" say this for one of two reasons.
1) They have never had an abortion
2) They have had an abortion and are taking this stance to justify the murder of that child. It is the only way they can actually deal with it on a day to day basis.
Did you know that the VERY SECOND that an egg is fertilized in the womb that the baby now has its own DNA separate of the mothers and separate of the fathers. Therefor, unlike a arm, or leg this is a new living organism separate of the mother completely.
Objection: It's still MY choice as a man does not have to carry the baby.
Well, women do have the carry the child to birth? this is true. This does not however negate the fact that the man who got you pregnant is not responsible for the decision making till it is out of the womb. See ladies, if the baby was conceived outside of marriage, then you deemed (made a conscience decision) this man was worthy to enter your body resulting in the pregnancy. How is it then, that once you become pregnant that he is NO LONGER worthy in the decision if that baby should live or die. That baby is just as much his (DNA) as it is yours. Or is it that you lacked good judgment when choosing some one to sleep with? Obviously, if he is not worthy of being a part of the decision on the baby he helped create in you, then maybe he should have not been inside of you in the first place. Even more so, maybe you should have just been celibate till you married the right man.
Objection: What about abortions for women who gt raped?
This is from abort73.com, this could not be answered any better.
You can't get very far in any discussion about abortion without considering the question of rape. Whereas the vast majority of pregnancies are the result of consensual sex, rape-based pregnancies present a unique dilemma. If a woman didn't choose to engage in sex in the first place, should she have to carry to term a child that was the result of her forced union? The question should become much clearer if we add in some hypothetical details. Let's say the woman does carry her child to term and decides to raise her daughter herself. After five years, however, she decides that the little girl's presence in her life is too much of a burden. Should that mother have the right to kill her five year-old daughter who was born to her as a result of sexual assault?
Obviously not. No matter what the circumstances are regarding the little girl's conception, she is a human being with a right to life that cannot be taken away from her. But what about before she is born, does this change anything? No, it doesn't. Abortion is an act of violence that kills a living human being. The circumstances surrounding the conception do not change this simple reality. Rape and abortion share this in common. They are both acts of violent assault against an innocent victim. Aborting a child conceived through rape simply extends this pattern of violence and victimhood. It does not "unrape" the woman, but it will almost certainly increase her regret and misery. Whereas rape is an act of violence for which she bears no responsibility, abortion is an act of violence for which she would be morally culpable. Consider the following email, received by Abort73 on January 19, 2007:
Whenever abortion advocates bring up this question of rape, they do so disingenuously. The fact is, they think mothers should have the right to kill their unborn children no matter what the circumstances surrounding the pregnancy might be. They only ask about the "12 year-old girl forced to carry her father's baby" because they know they can't win the abortion debate on the merits. They appeal to the emotion of these extremely hard and rare cases because it helps mask their true agenda, which is abortion on demand. If it is not legitimate to kill a person conceived in rape after they're born, then it is no more legitimate to kill that same person before they're born. The question is humanity, not rape.I just wanted to say that I am so pleased to read your stance on abortion in the case of rape. My mother was a 14-year-old girl who was raped, and she tried to have an abortion. The only reason I am alive today is because the doctor miscalculated her due date and thought she was too far in the pregnancy to have the abortion, when in reality he was a month off (this actually happened twice). It pains me every time I hear even die hard pro-lifers say "except in the case of rape". I know it is traumatizing for a girl or woman that is raped to have to carry a child, but it is no more traumatizing than someone who gets shot during a violent attack and has to deal with those wounds. Counseling and therapy can help heal the trauma, but the trauma will be there whether she has the abortion or not, and the abortion could even make it worse. It has caused me so much anxiety over the years to think that many pro-lifers would have approved of my mother's abortion. By the way, she gave me up for adoption, and my adoptive parents were never able to have children. Thank you so much for this wonderful view against abortion even in the case of rape.
There is more to come
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